Saturday, December 18, 2010

Please Don't Hit On Me, I'm Running.

One thing I hate about the gym is that it can sometimes feel like a meat market.  I pretty much avoid the gym at all costs but about once a week I go for a run on the treadmill.  This week, I hit the gym on a night when I was having some serious GI issues.

I had a 7 mile tempo run on the plan which normally would not be a problem.  This time I was having sharp stomach pains which I thought were most likely gas.  I may have mentioned before, I am an extremely gassy woman.  Maybe it's my vegan diet or maybe it's just me, but I have some serious gas.  It was becoming so uncomfortable that I took off my headphones so I could focus and get my run done.  At that same moment a big, meat-head looking guy hopped on the treadmill next to mine.

"You better slow down or you'll make me look bad"  he says.

{Oh boy.  Is he really going to talk to me?}

"Don't worry, I just lifted for about an hour before this" he continues.

{Wow - I'm so impressed. }

With every word he said my stomach became more and more bloated and was beginning to feel like it might combust.

"So, do you run marathons or something?"  he's still talking.

I was beginning to think my body might seriously explode.  At this point I knew where this guy grew up, his favorite sports team and his entire workout regimen.  

My treadmill hit 5 miles and I knew I had to run.  

To the bathroom, that is. 

I was out of there in a flash.

I hate, hate, hate having to "go" in a public restroom, but sometimes you just don't have a choice.  If only that guy knew I was a ticking time bomb of diarrhea.  I'm sure he would have had a lot less to say.

I hung out in the bathroom for several minutes letting nature take its course then I went back out to finish my run.  

You better believe I chose a treadmill at the farthest end from Mr. Meathead-loves-to-talk-about-himself. If he even tried to talk to me again I might have to yell,  "I'm a lesbian with really bad diarrhea!"  

Maybe he'd have better luck with her. 


  1. Good thing he didn't drop the "Do you eat frosted flakes" pickup line on you. Cuz then he woulda said, "Cuz you look geeerrrrrrraaate!"

  2. I've tried the "I'm a lesbian with really bad diarrhea" line and it never works for me.

  3. I love your (would be) response! Especially because it's true! Awesome.

  4. LOL! This post cracked me the hell up!

    The gym I used to go to was just like that, but the one I'm a member at now is its polar opposite. There are some dang good-looking girls that work out in there, and I swear I think they could run naked and the guys would never notice. 99% of the guys that frequent my gym are very metrosexual and soooooo hung up on themselves! They can't take their eyes off their own reflections in the mirrors long enough to notice all the hot chicks! I was on the bike Thursday just watching and snickering. One set of curls, fix hair, another set of curls, send text message and fix hair again... You'd just have to see it. It's unreal.

  5. HAHAHAHAHA! OMG I know that feeling, where you just want everything quiet so you can get through it, then bam...and bam...

    So seriously, I used to do bodybuilding, and near powerlifting. When I see guys like that, I used to be able to say "There's no flirting in the weight room, bye bye". Now I just leave my headphones on. :\

    I did make a Races and Goal thread for 2011!

  6. Oh Kate, I feel your pain :-)

    I love my gym because it doesn't have those kinds of interactions. Except for spotters during weight lifting, very few people carry on conversations. And, we did miss you yesterday. If you weren't from Chicago, I'd think you were one of the weenies who don't do rain.

  7. OMGosh you are so hilarious. Too bad you don't know his email you could send him this blog entry. You crack me up.

  8. @ Pam- Now, YOU cracked ME up.

  9. Bahahaha!! You are too funny!!

    I loved this post!! I had some veggie soup last night; lots-o-beans, veggies and FIBER. Yep, this morning, it hit me on my run!

    Headphones will be a workout saver for you!! :)

  10. Hahahayou made me laugh!! For some reason I always have to go more when I'm on the treadmill. Maybe just knowing you have an indoor bathroom makes it worse. And I don't get why people want to start conversations when someone has headphones on and can barely breathe, let alone talk. They should make bracelets or something. One color if you want to talk to people and another if you want to be left the F alone! haha

  11. That's AWESOME!I hate when guys hit on me. But it's even worse at times like this - when you're working out either at the gym or on your own. I hate when guys shout at me from their cars while I'm running...what exactly do they think is going to happen? I need "I'm a lesbian with really bad diarrhea!" printed on a tech tee.

  12. ok.
    me up.


    and if you hate public restrooms [as do I but....] I'm sure my last race report really threw you over the top. [ummm, sorry].

  13. hahah this is awesome! i almost wish he had tried to talk to you again. that would have been even more awesome

  14. Hilarious!!! I don't understand that at all...even on the road while running- seriously, am I supposed to swoon because you honk your horn at me and make kissy faces?? Gross!

  15. VERY funny! What is up with guys at the gym???

    "I'm a lesbian with really bad diarrhea" - you would have slayed him with 7 simple words :-)

    On the other hand, I've become friends with guys out of conversations that have started like this one. He's probably just like my guy and likes to talk and socialize... and if it's with a pretty girl - all the better.

    For me, it's any calf exercises. Is there some type of massage point on calves that correlates directly to the intestines??? weird :-)

  16. I feel your pain -- I often have stomach issues during and after running.

  17. I like this, the gym to me is a place of inner self fulfillment. Like church, I will not give more than a glance to an attractive lady. I think this "Meat Market" atmosphere stems from the staff, trainers and owners who gawk and dirty talk. I've seen and heard these aweful pick up lines by Women and Men...then I move on to another gym when I experience this. I let the club know why I'm not returning. Keep it out of my gym.

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