Saturday, December 18, 2010

Please Don't Hit On Me, I'm Running.

One thing I hate about the gym is that it can sometimes feel like a meat market.  I pretty much avoid the gym at all costs but about once a week I go for a run on the treadmill.  This week, I hit the gym on a night when I was having some serious GI issues.

I had a 7 mile tempo run on the plan which normally would not be a problem.  This time I was having sharp stomach pains which I thought were most likely gas.  I may have mentioned before, I am an extremely gassy woman.  Maybe it's my vegan diet or maybe it's just me, but I have some serious gas.  It was becoming so uncomfortable that I took off my headphones so I could focus and get my run done.  At that same moment a big, meat-head looking guy hopped on the treadmill next to mine.

"You better slow down or you'll make me look bad"  he says.

{Oh boy.  Is he really going to talk to me?}

"Don't worry, I just lifted for about an hour before this" he continues.

{Wow - I'm so impressed. }

With every word he said my stomach became more and more bloated and was beginning to feel like it might combust.

"So, do you run marathons or something?"  he's still talking.

I was beginning to think my body might seriously explode.  At this point I knew where this guy grew up, his favorite sports team and his entire workout regimen.  

My treadmill hit 5 miles and I knew I had to run.  

To the bathroom, that is. 

I was out of there in a flash.

I hate, hate, hate having to "go" in a public restroom, but sometimes you just don't have a choice.  If only that guy knew I was a ticking time bomb of diarrhea.  I'm sure he would have had a lot less to say.

I hung out in the bathroom for several minutes letting nature take its course then I went back out to finish my run.  

You better believe I chose a treadmill at the farthest end from Mr. Meathead-loves-to-talk-about-himself. If he even tried to talk to me again I might have to yell,  "I'm a lesbian with really bad diarrhea!"  

Maybe he'd have better luck with her.