Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ten Ways I Break The Rules

Beth, over at Shut Up and Run, is starting a little trend.  Everywhere we look, there are rules and guidelines on how we should live our lives.  Eat this, not that.  Get 8 hours of sleep, never eat after 7:00 and floss daily.  Some of these rules are beneficial, I'm sure, but I'm sick of being told what to do.

Here are 10 rules that I break on a regular basis.  I am confessing to you my deepest and darkest secrets, people.  You are not allowed to judge me.  If you can't stand me after this, just Un-follow me and you'll never have to see my face again.  Deal?

  1. I bite my nails. I know it’s a disgusting habit and I don’t need a lecture about how germy my nailbeds are and the diseases I can catch. Trust me, I hear it almost daily from Angela.
  2. I don’t drink water. I may have a few sips throughout the day, but I rarely drink an entire glass of water. I don’t know how I am still alive.
  3. I text and drive. I'm cringing at the looks you are probably giving the computer screen right now. I know, it’s worse than drunk driving and I plan to kick this habit to the curb.
  4. I eat copious amounts of sugar. Sugar in my coffee, ice cream, candy, you name it. Every single day.
  5. I run alone at night. I don’t carry a cell phone or wear reflective gear.
  6. I swear (a lot). Self-explanatory. Tisk, tisk.
  7. I drink too much. It’s not that I drink too frequently, but when I do drink an alcoholic beverage, it never stops at one.  No, I don't need Betty Ford.
  8. I don’t want children. Although it’s becoming more common, I still get strange looks when I tell people this.
  9. I burp, fart and talk about my vagina. I am so far from ladylike, I make my mother cringe. Luckily, she is forced to love me.
  10. I take the elevator. This is exactly what’s wrong with Americans, right? I figure I burn enough calories running, it’s okay to give myself a break now and again.  Plus, I hate stairs with every fiber in my body.
Wow!  That felt great. 
Feel like sharing some dirt?  Please do!

61 comments:

  1. I swear a lot. Ryan made up the word "steffing" in place of "effing" because I at LEAST try to not say the actual f*word (all that rap music i tell ya) around the kids. I had been saying effing too much so he gave me a challenge to see if I could say stephing awesome or This stephing sucks, etc. It's stephinitely working.

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  2. I've thought the same thing with the water. How am I functioning? My stomach can't even handle a full glass of water at a time. I am trying to drink a little more water though, cause I've noticed I get crampy after sweaty workouts.

    I drink too much as well and my dirt is that my drink of choice this past summer and even every so often now is 4 loko. Real bad I know, I only have it on rare occasion now. But doesn't everyone want to get drunk and then get the urge to burst out as many push-ups as possible. I swear I could run my fastest mile fueled by that stuff; and probably have a heart attack in the process.

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  3. I cannot support the elevator though, stairs are the love of my life :P

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  4. Mother fucker! Okay, so I knew we could be friends, but now I know we could be best friends. Omg you and I would get together and drink too much and start farting loudly and talking about our vaginas to the bartender. I love the elevator much in the same way I love to park as close to the door of the grocery store as humanly possible. I can run marathons, but do not ask me to walk a few feet. I don't have time for that.

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  5. Oh Beth! Mother and fucker are my 2 favorite words. I combine them on a daily basis. We are destined to be BFFs.

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  6. Texting and driving is so bad! (Vegans get plenty of hydration via fruits and veggies, so you are covered.)

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  7. Ok, I do have to get after you about the texting & driving! Please stop!! Nothing is that important! I used to do it, too, but once I stopped, it wasn't too big of a deal. Then, I decided to send a text while driving one day and it had been long enough that it felt dangerous and horrible, and I stopped.

    I'm with you on the no children thing. And I LOVE talking about my vagina... I don't know why, I just do. I swear a lot, too. Trying to give that one up.

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  8. If it wasnt for 5 and 8, we would be complete opposites

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  9. Well, I am glad for 5 & 8 then! :)

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  10. Okay, I know like you more! I am so with you on the cussing, drinking, burping and farting. I have a child but somedays I really don't want him anymore. I swear he is trying to kill me!

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  11. I'm with Christi, I think I like you even more.

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  12. Nice! I bet it does feel good to purge all that! Get it out in the open...the only one I have to say is awful is the texting and driving. I truly hope you can kick it. I kicked it about 3 months ago. For good. It is so dangerous and just the thought of what could happen...if I don't die then someone else could and then I would be in jail. for what? To say "OMG! LOL!! B there in 5." But i know you know that!!

    YES! I love the elevator! I need it!! I remember blogging about taking the elevator to the locker room after my FIRST 20 miler. Staff weren't allowed to use it at the gym I went to but I didn't care...double rule break! I was like, try to stop me. I just ran 20 damn miles. Kiss it! THAT felt good!

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  13. @Beth and @Kate you two crack me up!! I like you even more too! You are donating your eggs, eating Vegan, working for a non-profit, but thankfully you cuss like a sailor and Vajazzling is not off limits in convo!! You are human!

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  14. Wonderful traits! I share a *lot* of those with you! Though - I do have to disagree with elevator/stairs :)

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  15. I take the elevator too!! Had to go down 5 floors last night-I headed for the elevator, and my resident was like, "Let's take the stairs, I'm sure we could both use the exercise." ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME! Because I ran 13 miles today, I think I've met my quota for the day.

    I text and drive too. Even when I'm super sleep deprived. Ooops.

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  16. Time to leave some dirt. This is actually a lot more difficult than i thought.... lol.

    1. Those movies where "the world ends", natural disasters, aliens... freak the hell out of me and give me panic attacks. Along with the news.
    2. I have been cutting my own hair for the past 3 years... i don't trust anyone to do it.
    3. Drinking milk alone has made me want to puke for the past 20 years now. I always thought i would end up getting osteoporosis by the time i was 30, because that's what everyone told me. So happy that's a bunch of bullshit =]
    4. I swear a fuck of a lot. lol.
    5. I talk/critique way too much when it comes to design/typography. Just ask my gf lol.
    6. I secretely wish I looked like a young Paul McCartney or Andrew McCarthy... and if I had hair like Mike Score from Flock of Seagulls, my life would be complete.
    7. I have an extremely small amount of friends.. and really no one i can relate to. It really seems like i can't relate to 99.9% of humanity.
    8. I can only drink water with lemon. That's pretty much the only thing I drink anymore.
    9. I am a sucker for reality tv. sadly.
    10. I really want to start my own publication... esp with all of the faults and negatives I've seen, I would love to bring something to the table that hasn't been done yet.

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  17. Love it. I love to swear although I am trying to give it up with my 4 kids hanging around:) and vagina talk is my favorite. You definitely rock!

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  18. You are bad to the bone, girl! Loved your honesty. I take the elevator, too - except at the gym...and that's only because people would talk :D

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  19. "I eat copious amounts of sugar" -- same here!
    "I swear (a lot)" -- uh, yeah. I am lucky that it is under control in the office, though I have been known to swear here too. Usually not during important meetings, at least.
    "I drink too much" -- yeah, I drink 1-2 drinks almost every night. Usually wine or beer.
    "I don’t want children" -- I wouldn't say ever for me, but, I am 32 and it still doesn't feel like a priority yet. However, I'm getting old in a reproductive sense, so.
    "I burp, fart and talk about my vagina" -- yeah, burping, farting, and maybe not talking so much about my vagina, but too much talking about potty rituals related to running and races.

    I can (and sometimes do) drink my body weight in diet soda.
    I love Jersey Shore, Bachelorette, Top Model (basically any moronic reality show).

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  20. I text and drive a lot. I'm careful of course and I maybe shouldn't do it but oh well. Sometimes I drive late at night and it helps keep me up, it keeps me engaged.

    My 7yo daughter burps like crazy! She only does it around me though, special daddy-daughter times I know, but she's a bit embarrassed to do it around anyone else. Good stuff.

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  21. I like you more and more everyday. Especially for the sugar and the potty mouth:)

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  22. 1. I swear too much
    2. I don't always put on makeup before leaving the house
    3. I drink 4+ cups of coffee a day
    4. I don't shower before going in the hot tub after yoga, I just don't feel like i sweat in yoga so i'm not dirty.
    5. I hog gym machines, I tend to stay on the elliptical for 45 minutes to an hour and you are only supposed to be on a machine for 30 minutes

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  23. I think we're twins. Except substitute the sugar with salty snacks.

    Except the stairs, but that's because our elevator takes for FUCKING ever and is way sketchy.

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  24. The only thing I'm gonna judge you on is the texting while driving...not safe for anyone! Lecture over.

    And I think it's great when people know they don't want kids and don't have them. Better that then having them and discovering you don't want them!

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  25. You're not alone ... we all burp, fart, and talk about your vagina. Hmmm ... looks like we have #7 in common tonight. Never good to blog comment when you're several Guinness deep on St. Patty's day. Don't drink and blog.

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  26. I also text and drive... Its so bad! One time I was at a stoplight texting and a police officer pulled up next to me and motioned for me to roll down my window. He like, "You're texting!!!" Oops.

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  27. love these!! especially the swearing one...I'm glad to hear things like this..my potty mouth is getting worse as I get older...

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  28. #8 is not breaking the rules. It's being responsible and honoring your truth. I applaud you.

    I do know of one running related "rule" you do NOT break.....you do not heel strike. Look at the beautiful mid-foot strike in your pic. I'm jealous.

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  29. I used to text and drive too, and I guess I still sort of do, but I use the speech-to-text feature on my Droid now. It's so cool! The only problem? It doesn't recognize swear words. lol

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  30. These are great! I applaud you with being honest!

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  31. Love this!! Ha! There are so many rules that I break! Always. Rules are meant to be broken. right? :) ;) I'll think about some of the rules I break that I want to dish. :)

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  32. I do all of those except #2 and #5. I do drink alot of water and I am afraid of the dark.

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  33. * I don't floss. And I put off trips to the dentist. And while I have been on the farm, I have totally forgotten to even brush my teeth a few times. Gross.

    * I hate the gym. Lifting weights is weird for me. Treadmills are my enemy. A big part of why I run is to feel the earth beneath my feet.

    * Even for a yoga teacher, sometimes yoga is funny. I have definitely found myself stifling laughter before during class. Everything from the too-thin spandex that some girls choose to stretch in, to the occasional mis-interpretations of my cues (wait, how did your leg end up there?!?) have made me chuckle.

    *Worse than even biting my nails, I find myself biting the skin around my nails when I am nervous. Its a habit I am working on breaking!

    *I don't shower very often, and I don't wear deoderant. Yeah, I am working toward that dirty-hippie-yogi stereotype.

    Love ya Kate,
    Zoe

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  34. Wait?!!? You're a REAL person??? And all this time I though you were some superhuman picture of perfection. Oh wait...you still totally are. I text and drive...yikes. (All the while telling myself it's a bad Idea.) Oh and I totally take the elevator, right after fighting tooth and nail for a front row parking spots. The worst part? I take it right after telling my clients all day they should be taking the stairs, and parking far away...blah blah blah. I'm awful.
    I've missed you!! I've been a HORRIBLE blog commenter! I hope you're doing well! :) xoxoxo

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  35. From #4 to #9 we have a lot in common!
    On the drinking thing--I call it binge drinking. I had a little meltdown after my last birthday. I drank way too much, and I felt so out of control. Since that day I have limited myself to two drinks in one day, and I only allow myself to drink on the weekends. Good luck kicking some bad habits, but we ALL have them!

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  36. I also text while driving. So no judgement here!

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  37. I love your bad habbits! Personally I don't think that there is anything wrong with high intakes of sugars in all forms, even though I know it is terrible for you...it just tastes so good!

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  38. I'm with you on so many of these things (the drinking and swearing especially) but I love you so much for putting #8 out there! I am so right there with you and despite the fact that I am 35 years old and have felt this way my entire life, people still seem to think I will change my mind when it's "my own." Um - no! Yeesh.

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  39. oh kate, this why you're so great! i break a lot of the same rules, and i especially like the last one. i just don't get the irony of the fact that i can run for hours, up and down hills, but i get winded after climbing one flight of stairs! ha. one of my broken rules? i rewear workout clothes! i just don't do that much laundry to keep up with my running. i'm sorry i'm not sorry.

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  40. 2,3,4,6 and 7- me too!

    My rule- Sometimes I pull the double-standard card with my husband. Sigh. But seriously, I think I should be allowed to leave clothes on the floor since I'm the one that cleans... Right?

    Oh, and I have a picture of Che Guevara in my classroom ;)

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  41. oh GOD BLESS YOU -- I'm 27, and I don't want kids. I've always known this. We are a rare breed....

    If you run in a fairly safe city/neighborhood, I'm not too concerned about dark running. I run at 6:00 a.m. when it's pitch black. I figure we can outrun the bad guys...

    And today's the day girl, promise to your readers: no texting and driving!

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  42. 1-6 = ditto here!! I only bite my thumb nails though...they're just more convenient I guess. You can tell when I'm stressed cuz the thumbs are disgusting! Ha.

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  43. You crack me up, thanks for the honesty :) !

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  44. Hahaha wait I love you times a mil. We are twinnies!! I am so unladylike, my parents don't like it very much but Imeann everybody poops! A few of my girlfriends and I poop religiously after every meal when we're down in Nicaragua. As I like to say, "no boundaries, no problem!" :)

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  45. Love these!!!! (esp. #8...if I just ran 20 miles, I also am not stopping at 1...this also applies when I have NOT run 20 miles...)

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  46. One of my professors likes to curse in class. The other day I asked her if she thought my Shakespeare paper was worth revising and trying to publish.

    "Why revise it? It's fine."

    "There's s**t wrong with it."

    She didn't bat an eyelid. I will miss her after finals.

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  47. I bite my nails too! I HATE it when people comment on how I shouldn't! I figure (and tell people who comment) that I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I pay my bills and generally live a responsible life. If my worst habit is biting my nails, I think I'm doing pretty good. As are you. Rock on!

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  48. Ohhhh myyyy gooodnesss. This just made me die. I also fart and burp all the time. So gross but it's better out than in, right? I thought I was the only one on the no kids train but you just made me feel a lot better. Other people's kids I can handle because I can give them back when I don't want them anymore. But my own? No thanks. Texting and driving? Pretty much my part-time job. Oops.

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  49. I just found your blog and I LOVE it!!! This post alone has won me over. Your honesty makes me feel better about all the rules that I try so hard to follow, but don't. Thanks!!!:) (I do #1, 3, 6, 7 and 9 too:))

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